MY HISTORY: A MYSTERY

I was born at a quarter past three,

I remember the nurse with her afternoon tea.

Or was it nearer half past four?

Of course it was, not a minute more.

No, it was on the dot of five,

That I, yes I, first came alive.

The month was May, or was it June?

Whenever it was, it wasn’t a month too soon.

I was born,

God knows why,

God knows when,

And I will die,

God only knows what happens then.

I was born to an Arabian prince,

Who, by the way, I haven’t seen since.

Or was it to a Russian Czar?

Oh! What does it matter to who you are!

Life’s a journey, so they say,

With only two stops along the way,

I sit and watch the scenery pass,

And never travel second class.

I was born,

God knows why,

God knows when,

And I will die,

God only knows what happens then.

Maybe my birth was a virgin one,

No, my conception would have been more fun!

Is there such thing as a virgin death?

Oh, balls to that, I want something more dramatic for my final breath!

Come on, think!

What kind of death would suit me best?

A car crash?

No, it’s been done, again and again.

A bullet in the brain?

We’d need someone with a very good aim.

Beat ya!

No, let’s try another tack.

What about a knife in the back?

Well, it didn’t work the first thousand times!

Oh, I give up!

What comes will come.

Knife or spear or bomb or gun.

My father was an African king,

My mother wore an emerald ring,

Tuesday, Wednesday, who gives a damn!

How old am I?

Now, there’s a question,

And here’s one more,

Who am I?

And here’s another,

What am I?

My life is like a dream.

Oh, and by the way,

The Arabian prince

left my mother

for her younger brother,

and swapped his harem

for a football team.

The shame!

The shame!

I was born,

God knows why,

God knows when,

And I will die,

A month too soon,

A minute more,

At half past four,

Please open the door,

African king,

Emerald ring,

Who am I?

Has death lost its sting?

Knife, car,

Bullet, brain,

Journey, stop,

I want to get off the train,

Virgin birth,

Virgin death,

When will I breathe

my final breath?

I was born,

God knows why,

God knows when,

And I will die,

God only knows what happens then!